Poison Rings

When Stacey and I were children, we had a pile of junk jewelry at my grandmother’s house that she allowed us to play with. In the collection, was a poison ring. It was a toy that was featured in much of our play. Tea parties, playing restaurant and even when we played newspaper agency, the poison ring was a coveted piece of our fantasies. Not a day went by without one of us being “poisoned,” and usually both of us were.

We never actually PUT anything in the poison ring. I just opened it up and pretended that poison came out into Stacey’s drink. Who needs poison when you have a POISON RING?! It all made perfect sense back then.

After Grandpa died, his family descended upon the house they had never visited during the nearly forty years that my grandparents had lived there. Much of what Stacey and I found beloved was sent away to estate salesmen and appropriated for that side of the family. We were allowed to take the remainders that they deemed not worth the time to sell. I was lucky enough to get my bedroom set, my bike, and my toys.

Well, some of my toys…

All of the junk jewelry in the toy box was gone when I was allowed to claim my inheritance. I never asked about it, but I still regret the loss of my poison ring to this day.

So, I thought I would try to buy myself a poison ring. Ever since Lady Gaga poisoned her boyfriend in her music video, Paparazzi, I thought that maybe poison rings might be making a comeback.

Unfortunately, I made the mistake of trying to buy a solid perfume ring instead of just searching for a poison ring. I bought the Kat Von D Solid Perfume Ring and the Michael Kors Solid Perfume Ring, thinking that I could keep my favorite for myself and give the other one to Stacey. Based on the pictures online, I imagined that they would be about as big as my grandmother’s old poison ring. I’d be able to use the perfume and when I was done with it, I’d have an updated poison ring.

I was so excited when the box hit my doorstep. The dog was barking at the UPS driver while I opened the box in anticipation. I expected to like the Michael Kors ring the best and give the Kat Von D ring to my sister.

Then I opened the boxes…and got a WTF moment….this thing would be one you see on WTF Gadgets.

THE RINGS WERE HUGE!!! Not just huge, COMICALLY huge!! Just look at them!!

They definitely would NOT do! If I walked into the Russian Embassy, not even my press pass would help me escape if the evil Russian ambassador was found poisoned. They’d take one look at my ring and KNOW I poisoned him!!

Heck, I couldn’t even close my fingers around the Kat Von D ring!! The sheer weight of it was cutting off my circulation!

I nearly cried as I packed them back up to be returned, and then I realized that I could look on eBay and Amazon for POISON rings instead of trying to get a solid perfume ring to do my bidding.

This time I was delighted with what I found! Here are a couple of links to poison rings:

I found a lovely blue topaz poison ring in my size that is very similar to this one at Amazon

I may never find a poison ring like the one Stacey and I “killed” each other with so many years ago, but I can find a tasteful replacement ring with a “deadly” secret. No one will know that it was me, not even the dead Russian ambassador!

For fun, here is the Lady GaGa video, Paparazzi. Enjoy her very own poison ring scene at the 6:02 mark.

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